Thought on HospitalityPosted by Rick on July 21st, 2003
Something in Serrated Edge set off a thought about hospitality. When someone comes to my door, my immediate thought is to say, “Hi! Come on in.” I expect the people to at least stay for a few minutes. I think it’s simply hospitable.
However, I’ve noticed that people out here don’t react that way usually. Perhaps most people don’t react that way, and I am just now realizing it. Today I picked a book up at someone’s house, and it was a kind of walk out side with me here’s your book have a good day thing. It felt a bit weird because I am often trying to show friendliness to this person because I once heard that he said that I didn’t act like I wanted to be his friend. But then it got me thinking about how many times I will show up at someone’s house to drop something off or pick something up, and I’m met at the screen, and there is an awkward exchange. Just something to think about if you’re an awkward screen exchanger.
July 21st, 2003 at 8:07 pm
Whenever I forget myself and am feeling cheerful, I read your blog, and my moody melancholy is restored.
July 21st, 2003 at 10:57 pm
Do you hold the screen open after you’ve knocked or do you let it close? That has always been the question for me. Sometimes it seems that to hold it open means that you “expect” to be invited in. Or does it? I think that I am just paranoid. I dislike screens immensely. If it weren’t for little critters, like mice, I would be all for getting rid of screens on doors.
July 22nd, 2003 at 6:39 am
Confessions of an awkward screen exchanger.
I’m a slob. My house is embarrasingly messy. There are very few people — my closest friends who know far worse things about me than my lack of housekeeping skills — that I’ll allow in without a few hours of really concentrated tidying and scrubbing. And this is exactly why I hate this about myself — it keeps me from showing hospitality the way I know I ought to and the way I want to.
July 22nd, 2003 at 9:00 am
Did you call first? It is kind of weird just to stop by someone’s house in today’s society.
July 22nd, 2003 at 9:40 am
Rijel, I usually just find part of the frame to knock on so that I don’t have to open the screen. If I do open it, I let it close.
Jon, well, in the place I grew up, and where I went to college, everybody just stopped by and came over. But I am just talking about stopping by to drop something off or pick something up. That shouldn’t be weird. It may be weird for some people, but there isn’t any reason that a person shouldn’t feel like he could stop by “for a few minutes.”
And there are ways to make a person feel hospitable without having to necessarily invite them in.
*knock knock*
Hey, how are you?
Well, and you?
I’m just fine.
*start walking for the garden or something*
Wait just a second.
*run in the house and get two glasses of water*
Here ya go.
Mill around outside for a few minutes.
Part of the problem is when you stand in your doorway, you set yourself up for looking like a guard. “This my house. You no pass.”
July 24th, 2003 at 1:19 am
I have no screen door at all. Consider yourself invited anytime. I can probably conjure up some sweetea as well should the occasion arise.
July 24th, 2003 at 6:34 am
I think the ‘guarding the door’ thing is true. Just yeterday evening, in fact, some youth group kids were going through the neighborhood taking a survey and, I assume, looking for opportunities to witness to folks. They knocked on the door and told me what they were doing. I agreed to their interview and asked them if they wanted to come inside.
They didn’t want to. (which brings up another situation… what if the person just doesn’t want to come in? That doesn’t seem to friendly either, huh?)
So, there I was, standing at my door, holding the screen open (even though it isn’t reallya screen… it’s glass… like a storm door), and feeling weird doing it.
So I just went outside. We hung out on the porch for a few minutes while I answered their questions.
Standing at the door having a conversation just ain’t right.
July 24th, 2003 at 8:25 am
Richard, I would assume they were instructed to *not* go inside anyone’s house. When collecting canned food or witnessing or whatever, I’ve heard groups be told to not go inside for their own safety.
July 24th, 2003 at 8:47 pm
But even stopping by to drop something off should be planned, I think. Suppose the person is naked when you knock? Suppose they are spanking a child and your knock forces them to interrupt the discipline process to answer the door? Suppose they are very busy, etc… Suppose you drop by unannounced, but someone who coordinated a visit shows up 5 minutes later while you’re talking awkwardly in the foyer. You’ve forced them to find a delicate way to brush you off.
Anyway, I think if you drive by and they’re out in the yard playing or something, stop by and say hi. But if you have to knock, then it is probably best to call – even if you just call on your cell phone from the road. Perhaps I’m not the best judge of all this. I feel comfortable “popping over” to borrow something from a neighbor in the apartment complex, but going across town to do that seems a little weird unannounced. In other words, if your visit is unusual enough to warrant chatting, then it should probably be coordinated in advance. That’s just my sense of the current state of etiquette, I could be way off.
July 25th, 2003 at 9:00 am
I am happy to report tht I got my house tidied enough to admit a window salesman for an appointment two nights ago. I figure anybody who wants now has about a week to pop in unannounced before the clutter overtakes again. :^p
July 25th, 2003 at 9:50 am
My solutions: When someone stops over, maybe you should ask the person if they have a few minutes to come in and have a drink. That way, you are being hospitable but considerate of the fact that they might be in a hurry to get somewhere else. About the screen door question — if you have to knock on a door, then you need to close the screen back. It is the job of the host/hostess to open the screen. It is a welcoming gesture that could accompany the host’s invitation for the guest to come in for a few minutes.
July 25th, 2003 at 10:52 am
Val, I can relate to your worries about appearance, but I do think it is something we should strive to get past. I sometimes think that Christians would have better fellowship with each other if upon meeting, we each said whatever our preferred is when we hit our thumb with the hammer, passed wind, and showed pictures of our messy kitchens. Perhaps it would help us to get past the pretense.
July 25th, 2003 at 2:58 pm
Not everyone in the world needs to see all of me. And not showing all of me to every one does not equal pretense. There are people who’ve seen me and my home at our worst. And there are many, many more who have not.
July 26th, 2003 at 10:15 am
And since when is it necessary to ever “pass wind” in front of anyone else?