Today marks exactly one year since Rick came to Spokane to be with me. I’m so glad that May will mark the first day that we’ll get to be with each other for the rest of our lives.

“Finally we were allowed to board [an airplane]. I was in a row…between a woman…and a man my own age who was reading a book by a famous right-wing Christian novelist about the Apocalypse. A newspaper asked me to review this book when it first came out…I pointed out in my review, he’s one of those right-wing Christians who thinks that Jesus is coming back next Tuesday right after lunch, and I’m one of those left-wing Christians who thinks that perhaps this author is just spiritualizing his own hysteria…I remembered saying in the review that the book was hard-core right-wing paranoid anti-Semitic homophobic misogynistic propaganda–not to put too fine a point on it.”

“The Gospel will come to the front and will prove that the wise are fools, and the fools are wise, and that those who are called heretics are Christians, and those that call themselves Christians, heretics.”

Martin Luther, Introduction to Luther’s Church Postil.

1. It is very dangerous to invoke the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit during the administration of baptism. This may give the less mature Christians some sort of impression that God is present and active in the rite of baptism. It is a heretical assumption to make, that by following a rite which God instituted, He will somehow bless the recipient of that rite.

2. Another danger in the act of baptism is the fact that water is used. What are we trying to do, send mixed messages about baptism? We should all know that a dry, spiritual baptism is the only efficacious one. Why waste water that we could give to thirsty people in Africa? Instead, I suggest that baptism should be carried out in such a way that the congregation stares at and scrutinizes the prospective recipient until that person understands his salvation and justification by faith alone; only at that point is he truly baptized into the covenant family.

3. Thirdly, I find it to be a threat to the gospel to use men to carry out the rite of baptism. God will save anyone if He wants to; why don’t we just let Him do His job? Seriously, we don’t want to do anything instrumental for anyone’s salvation. Now that’s the gospel.

4. I am also alarmed at how many people take their baptism seriously, as if it does anything good for them. Aren’t we causing people to trust in something other than Christ? Really, people should know by now that we’re only kidding when we baptize people. You didn’t fall for that “covenant member” line, did you?

5. Fifthly, have you people never heard about the Galatian heresy? Don’t you know what it is? It’s the heresy that we find written in Galatians 3:26-27. Duh. Anything claiming that we’ve put on Christ in baptism is obviously heretical.

6. Peter was a real theological thunder-puppy, if you know what I mean. First, he tells people to be baptized in order to be saved; then, he says baptism saves you. Peter, maybe you were the first pope! This stuff sounds pretty Romish (and therefore anti-Christian) to me.

7. Lastly, and most importantly, baptism is dangerous because it might teach people that Christianity encompasses all of the physical world as well as the spiritual. Using physical means, really! You should all be ashamed. We are all supposed to act as if we’re floating spirits, independent of physical nourishment or anything else that those unfortunate people possessing bodies need. You’re obviously not spiritual if you believe in baptism.

I rest my case.

Here’s a pretty good article on whether or not to go to grad school by Jane Bast: Ignoring Good Advice

I watched White Christmas and finally figured out where that “Sisters, sisters” song comes from.

I finally saw Singing in the Rain. I loved it.

The Eyres bought us all tickets to The Nutcracker, and I saw that for the first time too. One of the guys’ tights were too tight.

I guess the title is misleading since I met two of these guys in person before I started blogging, and I met Barlow like two years ago. But they blog so…yeah. Gosh, how long have I been blogging? Dangit, I missed my blog birthday again. Okay, where was I? Bad dreams.

Well, sorry Jon B. and Jon A. Last night, you both died in a fire. Apparently, you were locked in Westminster 207 when it burst into flames (My office is, incidentally, Westminster 201, but in the dream, my office was Westminster 106). Unfortunately, I had taken the day off, so I couldn’t hear your screams. It was a pretty weird dream. Westminster building here on the Whitworth campus was in Monroe. Jon B. had apparently come down to Monroe to research, ya know, because Monroe has all the good libraries. Jon A. was just hanging out with Jon B.

After I found out that they died, I went to a cafeteria. Now this happened to be my high school cafeteria, and I saw Pastor Wilkins sitting there drinking a slush puppy and eating frito chili pie. I continued past him to get some food when I ran into Pastor Meyers, who asked me what was wrong. I told him that “two people in my wedding had died in a fire” (Jon A. was the Word-bearer, and apparently, I had asked Jon B. to be an acolyte since he was in town). Pastor Meyers had told me that he had heard about Jon B. At which point, I ran out of the cafeteria crying.

And then I was in Owasso, in the neighborhood in which I grew up. A plane was sputtering through the air, falling and catching itself repeatedly. It threatened to fall on me. Through tears, I kept yelling, “I repent! I repent! I repent!” until I made it into my house. I realized I was really repentant (I’m not sure of what), and this made me happy.

The microwave started beeping, and my mom said, “The microwave is talking to you.” I replied, “What’s it saying? ‘How do you do today?’” We both laughed. And I woke up.

Where are the Josephs and Daniels of this world?

- “Rick?”
- “Yeah?”
- “Do you love me?”
- “Yes.”
- “Would you love me if I was ugly?”
- “Perhaps.”
- “Perhaps?”
- “Well, you know, if I wasn’t initially attracted…”
- “Okay, so what if you already loved me, and I was pretty, and then something happened?”
- “Like?”
- “What if I lost an eye? Would you love me then?”
- “Of course.”
- “Or a hand?”
- “Yeah …”
- “Or a leg?”
- “Yes.”
- “What if it was all of the above.”
- “Yes!”
- “What if I had memory loss?”
- “Like you keep on forgetting who your husband is and go home with other men?”
- “Gosh, that would be awful.”
- “Yeah, you’d be all like ‘You’re not my husband?! I’m sorry, I gotta get outta here!’”