Medicine of Immortality "It's a cold, and it's a broken, 'Hallelujah!'"

One Season Fades into AnotherPosted by Rachel on September 15th, 2009

I can’t say I’m sorry to see summer go. Don’t get me wrong—I enjoyed every popsicle, ice cream cone, walk to the park, and trek out to the lake (and let’s face it, I’ll continue enjoying at least the ice cream long after summer is past), but along with the joys of the season, I have endured my crises as well. I’m not a drama queen, really. I just have had some little bumps along the way in regards to relationships, including the one I have with God. Rick has really helped me along in every aspect, and I’ve finally turned some corners and learned that I need not doubt God’s love and mercy. I have had my moments of doubt, and I’ll likely always remember this summer as another time in my life where I became more clearly defined as a person. It’s amazing how we are born with so much personality, but never cease to grow and change shape throughout our lives. Humans are sometimes infuriatingly, and always fascinatingly, complex.

Summer is almost over, so I will cherish every hour of sunlight as each day shortens, bask in the heat of the sun before it cools, and let my kids live in their swimsuits if they want to, before they have to be packed up and put in storage again. But I am also waiting in hopeful expection of the renewal that each new season brings to me. A change in the wind seems to be somehow rejuvenating to my soul. I look forward to chilly mornings, hot apple cider, crunchy, colorful leaves beneath my feet, and the feeling of transcendence amidst my utter powerlessness under the care of a loving God who guides each falling leaf to its resting place and blows the wind in the direction He chooses.

I look forward to watching my own children as they learn, grow, change, and become closer to the God who loves them. I look forward to continuing to be a part of their lives, and an influence on the people they will someday become. And somehow, the changing from one season to another is proof to me that time is ever moving along, and we are changing, and God is constant.

A little bit about friendship and lovePosted by Rachel on September 8th, 2009

Moving to Spokane has been a very wonderful, but difficult, transition for our family. I love the weather here (most of the time!), and the fact that we are near my family. I feel like it is important for Kyrie and Antonio to be able to be near their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and a major part of why I am glad that we moved here is really for their sakes. I also am happy for my mom and dad, who are particularly thankful to have all of their grandchildren local to them, and I think they realize how blessed they are!

But even surrounded by our family and friends of our youth, I couldn’t shake a feeling that had been nagging me for several months. I felt like an outsider. And Rick and I had been making lots of effort in trying to be friends with the people we expected we’d naturally feel close to once we moved back to Spokane. But now I can see how in so many ways, we were seeking friendship in the wrong way. Our desire to be the loved ones, the special ones, was just focusing on the selfish elements of friendship.

I also realize now that I didn’t work hard enough to cultivate new friendships. Again, this was just because I was viewing the use of friendship in a selfish way. As long as I had the friends I wanted, I’d be fine. But I wasn’t focusing as much on being a friend. And not just being a friend to the people whose friendship I especially coveted, but to people who needed that friendship from me.

By choosing to focus so much on what friends I had, and not focusing on being a good friend to others, I ended up harming myself. I am beginning to realize that the things on earth I cling to so much are likely the things that will slip away from me.

I’ve learned a lot in the past few days. A lot has come to light, and I’m starting to sort out those things now. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that is does no good to fret over who likes me or who likes Rick, or who really wants to be our friends. What we are called to do is love God and others, and loving others doesn’t include sitting around all day worrying over who loves me.

I know that in God’s eyes, I am precious. I know that I am a sinner, and without His grace covering me, I am ugly. But while I dwell in Him, I am beautiful. And because of this truth, I have something to offer to others. I have friendship to give. And it is much better to view friendship as something that I can give than as something I want to get.

None of this is to say that friendship is now to me only something that I offer, and not something that I receive. I believe that as I have the attitude that I am giving of myself to others in friendship, I will also be blessed in the same way from them. In my marriage, I’ve found this to be especially true. The more I give, the more I feel that I receive in return.