Medicine of Immortality "It's a cold, and it's a broken, 'Hallelujah!'"

Rachel’s Ramblings of Randomness…Posted by Rachel on April 18th, 2010

This week has been really nice. The weather has been absolutely positively beautiful for the past three days, which is sure to put me in a good mood. I just love to soak up sunshine, smell freshly cut grass, and smile as the kids run to me every few minutes with a flower they’ve picked just for me.

The smells of spring to me are grape hyacinth, dirt, rain on pavement, food grilling outside, and, as previously mentioned, freshly cut grass. The sounds are birds singing, neighbors talking, & children playing. The sights are pretty obvious: new growth, everywhere. I think spring might be my favorite season.

We had a picnic with my family today after church. Kyrie did fine for a while but got into a bad mood when I made her get off the swing so another little girl could have a turn. She pouted and was completely uncooperative for a while and ended up sitting in time out on a park bench. I don’t think I’ve ever had to discipline her at a park before because she’s usually really happy and we don’t run into any trouble. I didn’t feel bad at all, but it did make me think. I don’t like disciplining my children in public at all. But sometimes that’s just what I have to do. And then I realized that part of the difficulty of being consistent in discipline is the fact that I shy away from doing it when we’re in a public place (not that if that weren’t an issue, I’d be 100% consistent. Ha.) I’m really uncomfortable about other people seeing how I discipline my kids because everyone has a different opinion on it and I feel like it’s an area that’s often judged by others, whether or not they’re parents. I’m not talking about any of my friends. Just strangers. I wonder if I’m the only one who perceives that. Anyway, all of this is just to say that sometimes that nagging feeling that someone who is watching might be judging can get in the way of me just parenting in the way that I think I need to.

Speaking of parenting, I’m not really that good at it. I try, I do. Well, at least sometimes I do. But lately I’ve really been struggling with being a servant. I really talked the talk when I was younger and had zero responsibilities. Now sometimes I really want to be selfish and do what I want to do and I grumble a lot about my responsibilities. I know it’s wrong, but it’s a struggle. I want to be more cheerful, and I do pray for a more cheerful and servant-like attitude. It’s somehow just so easy for me to get caught up in the things I like to do and I don’t give enough of myself to others. I’m working on it.

Every day I tell myself that I will go to bed early and wake up early and do everything perfectly and then I will be happy with myself. Why do I always set such unrealistic goals? Why am I so all-or-nothing? I need to find a happy medium where I am consistently living the faith, being a servant to my husband and children, but letting grace cover my shortcomings. Yes. I need to learn this.

I need to figure out something interesting to blog about next time.