Stop and consider…Posted by Rick on August 5th, 2011
A short message I shared at Grace tonight. I don’t read from a transcript (I normally write it out and internalize it), so this isn’t exact:
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Various chaplains who work in the Pediatric ICU or Pediatric Oncology have told me profound stories about the moments surrounding the death of children. In some of those deaths, children will talk to Jesus shortly before leaving this world. In other stories, around the moment of death, young siblings will point up to the ceiling above the patient and say, “Do you see that?” Or if they’re old enough, something like, “Look mom, angels.” One child at St. Luke’s even took a picture, which when it was developed, had mysterious white orbs all over the top of the photo.
To be perfectly honest, I have always been skeptical of this sort of thing. I don’t hear an audible voice when I pray, and I’ve never seen the blind have their sight restored or the lame walk. My faith is very earthy, perhaps even on the intellectual side. I have an abundance of theological education. I minored in Religion, completed a Bachelor’s capstone in the linguistics of the prayer book, earned a Master’s degree focusing on the Anglican Poet-Priests, finished a doctorate in Worship Studies, audited a three year ministerial training program, did graduate level studies in Religion at three different places, have almost finished a Master of Divinity in Chaplaincy, and now I’m doing further education in chaplaincy. I have no shortage of formal and informal religious education.
But has my education made my faith stronger or made me a better Christian? I’m not so sure it has. Has it cleared away all my doubts? No…honestly, I think it’s probably given me more.
So it struck a chord with me when I heard a pediatric chaplain say, “I sometimes think we can intellectualize ourselves right out of the faith.”
You see, there’s a big difference between learning about God and experiencing God. I know a lot about God, and my level of education says a lot about me. I came to St. Luke’s because I thought, “I need to work on my practical theology.” And my analytical side sought to correct it with more education.
But my time at St. Luke’s has been about experiencing God. From the moment I stepped onto the floor, I have been humbled and filled with gratitude. Not a day goes by where I do not say, “Thank you, God, for letting me be a part of this.” I’ve also experienced something else which has been difficult for me to describe, or even acknowledge. When I am on the floor, I often feel an overwhelming compulsion to visit certain patients. Many times I have made plans to visit one patient, but as I pass a room, I feel a burning desire to visit another patient. And this has never failed me. Or I’ll walk onto a floor to do rounds and find out that only one patient in 30 is awake. God literally closes 29 doors to lead me into one. And later, I will realize that room is the room I needed to be in. In light of this, Proverbs 16:9 keeps popping into my head: “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” This is a simple verse, but I don’t get it. I’ve struggled to understand it. This principle has much to do with the Spirit. And I’ve been wary to accept that the Holy Spirit is the One compelling me.
I’ve wondered if I am drumming up emotions. I’ve wondered if my expectations are psyching me out…but I can’t make 29 people fall asleep, can I?
And I can’t deny that when I walk into those rooms, something happens. God guides me into saying words that are beyond me. And even when I fumble and stumble, God brings good out of it. The measure in which people have been helped through my presence is, quite frankly, beyond my skill level.
On the one hand, I see myself as a highly trained person. I can write papers and books and win awards for teaching. This is the person I knew before I came to St. Luke’s. On the other hand, I have met another person – an empty vessel through which the Holy Spirit is flowing. I am having a hard time reconciling that these two people are the same person. It has forced me to completely rethink my theology of the Holy Spirit.
You see, a chaplain is not a medicine man. I don’t go into rooms seeking to fix people. I go into rooms to meet people where they’re at. I go into rooms, purposing to lay myself aside in order to enter into the patient’s story. I have to lay aside my life. I have to lay down my life. This is what we’re all called to do, really – to lay down our lives for others, without expecting anything in return. In many ways, I have to be Christ to patients who, for the most part, do not believe in Christ.
St. Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times; if necessary, use words.” This is what a chaplain does. In chaplaincy, it’s not about what one says. It’s usually more about avoiding the stupid things most people say. I have often gone into visits and not said a single thing for twenty minutes. Those are the visits where patients say, “You are such a holy man. You’ve been so helpful.” Really? I just sat there. I did nothing…..But there’s something to that. When I lay aside myself, God works.
Through my very few words, many prayers, and simple presence, I’ve seen God heal marriages; break 30 year grudges; restore relationships with parents, with children, with grandparents; give peace in the face of death; give comfort in the loss of a loved one – on my floors, I primarily deal with women who lose babies. I’ve seen God miraculously heal people; bring the dead to life; and grant salvation. And I have only been here ten weeks. If it weren’t for hospital privacy policies, I would be gushing with stories because I am bursting with gratitude every moment I am on the floor.
In conclusion, I want to leave you with something that passed by my eyes today. It comes from the book of Job. In the book, Job receives a lot of advice, most of it bad. But one piece stuck out to me. It is in Job 37:14…“stop and consider the wondrous works of God.”..............When was the last time you stopped and considered the wondrous works of God?..........I’ve been forced to do it lately. What about you? Take the time….......Stop and consider the wondrous works of God……You won’t be disappointed.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
August 5th, 2011 at 8:39 am
I love this. Thanks for sharing.