Medicine of Immortality Remember you are dust

We’re BackPosted by Rachel on March 9th, 2010

We’ve been away for a while due to blog problems but we’re hoping to wake up things a little around here. Life has been crazy for the past several months. There’s been good crazy and bad crazy. I don’t even know where to begin and I know that at least for now, I can’t get into all of it. But God is always there, and I’m always trying my best to listen.

In September, I went through some trials that left me feeling very down and very self-absorbed with my problems. As the months have passed, I’ve found that in moments, I am able to rise above the pain, and in others, I’ve succumbed to my own weakness. God continues to be gracious and I continue to wrestle with my own sin and pray for the healing of relationships.

My family has been, as always, amazing. Rick is a constant source of comfort and encouragement, and Kyrie and Antonio fill my life with joy and moments of being as carefree as I remember being as a child. Sometimes there is no better description for my children than little angels. And goodness knows they’re not really angels — their behaviour can be exhausting and infuriating — but the love and the innocence that they display from their sweet spirits really help to lift mine. It’s such a joy to be a mom, even though I have those moments when I wonder if I really am called to be a mom. Sometimes I’m just really truly not good at it. At all.

God has been kind enough to open my eyes to friendships that have always been there, waiting for me — and introduce new friends into my life. He has never abandoned me, even when I think that He has.

It’s been difficult for me to enter into the season of Lent this year. Antonio was sick on Ash Wednesday, so I wasn’t able to attend a service. Being able to hear the words “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” while the cross is drawn in ashes on my forehead by the thumb of the priest is something that is so profound to me that I can hardly articulate my feelings about it. It helps to set the tone for the entire season. I have not chosen to give up anything specifically, nor have I conscientiously added any particular disciplines. However, I do find myself returning to the Lord, and drawing closer to Him, and seeing the sickness of my own soul and the desperation with which my whole body aches for salvation.

Joy in Simplicity and GrandeurPosted by Rachel on August 13th, 2009

I love that it’s the things that cost the least money that usually are the most fun. Rick and I went to the pet store today just to let the kids look at the puppies and kitties, birds and fish, snakes and lizards, and one really disgusting bullfrog. Antonio was thrilled with everything. He is an animal lover to the core. Kyrie loved the puppies and was quite interested in the “bearded dragons,” asking if they could fly, “Because they can fly on DragonTales!” (sigh) It made me happy to see my kids squeal at all the animals and enjoy a free evening, just being curious about the creatures in the world around them.

There are just some things money can’t buy. I mean, yes, money is necessary for us to get by, pay the bills, buy food, have a place to live, etc. But I am most aware of my joy when I am looking at a summer sky streaked with flaming pink clouds resting above the honey-orange glow of a sunset. Or from smelling the crisp, clean night air and looking at the thousands of twinkling stars and a mellow, gleaming moon and knowing that God put it all there. My joy comes from knowing that even though we are so small, so insignificant, just…dust, we’re still loved by a God who pours out His love on us because He is love.

And it comes from the love that I impart and receive every day, to and from my husband and my children. Their kisses and smiles and words of affirmation give me the strength I need to love them back, and clean up after them, and comfort them. And Rick’s never-ending patience and loyalty helps me cope when I would have otherwise given up long ago.

But at the root of it, joy isn’t dependent on a good situation, financial or otherwise. I guess it isn’t really even dependent on beautiful sunsets or starry skies. It’s just knowing that God is love, that He loves me, and that I am here to love and serve Him for eternity. And that’s the source of my joy. Even when I’m not feeling happy, nobody can take away that joy.

Mini-CapezzaismsPosted by Rachel on August 9th, 2009

Earlier today, while we were headed to the store, Rick and I were talking about how fun it would be to go to Hawaii (yeah, we often talk of exotic vacation spots, we can’t help it) and Kyrie said, “Hawaii?? That’s the place where they dance.” “Oh, really? What kind of dancing?” we asked her, and she said, “The kind where you wiggle. You wiggle your body. I’ll show you when we get to the store.” Once we got there, she started rocking her hips back and forth in the parking lot and said, “See? That’s the kind of dancing they do in Hawaii.”

Tonight, during Compline, Antonio looked at the eighth notes on the page and kept saying they looked like cars (the ones that were grouped together — I can kinda see it). I explained that it was music, so after Compline ended, he flipped through the LBW to various hymns, singing “Lord, Lord, Loooord!”

And I’m blanking on several other cute things that were said by the kiddos this evening. Maybe it’ll come to me later.

Conversations with Kyrie about God, our priest, and Santa ClausPosted by Rick on April 4th, 2009

We were in the car yesterday, and I was talking about some sort of inanimate object (I can’t remember what) in the car last night, and Kyrie asked me where it was. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me: It died. It died and went to be with Jesus.
Kyrie: *laughs* Where is Jesus?
Me: Jesus is in heaven, with the Father.
Kyrie: Where is heaven?
Me: It’s all around us. It’s here, but it’s also in another dimension.
Kyrie: Does God talk to you?
Me: Well, He talks to us in His word and through His Spirit. We can talk to him when we pray.
Kyrie: We can talk to Jesus when we pray. And we can pray to the God the Father. And we can pray to Fr. Jerry.
Me: No, we can’t pray to Fr. Jerry. We can talk to Fr. Jerry at church and when we see him. We can only pray to God. Fr. Jerry is just a nice man who teaches us about Jesus.
Kyrie: When does he teach us about Jesus.
Me: When we go to church, and he talks to us. He talks about Jesus.
Kyrie: Santa Claus doesn’t talk about Jesus. He’s just a nice guy who gives us presents.

KyrieismPosted by Rick on September 11th, 2008

One thing I’ve really enjoyed since Kyrie was born is putting her to sleep. I’ve probably done this more than any other child responsibility. Something about papa and just wanting to go to sleep. Since Kyrie’s birth, I’ve used two main lullabies to get her to sleep. The one I use most often is “Eat this Bread” (followed by “American Pie,” which is what I use when she’s not very tired).

Anyway, after compline tonight, both Rachel and I were singing her to sleep. It doesn’t happen very often that we both sing her to sleep together, but Kyrie stopped us in the middle of our singing to say this:

Kyrie (tapping her doll’s head): I put water on her head.
Rick: To baptize her, so she can be in Jesus?
Kyrie: Yes.
Rachel: Do you know anything about this?
Rick: Noooo.

Kyrie, on sinPosted by Rick on August 8th, 2008

Kyrie: Jesus took my sins away. Jesus will give my sins back to me.
Rachel: Kyrie, that’s a good thing that He took them away.
Kyrie: I want my sins back!

I think she believes that she can do extra mischief if she had more sins to work with.

Why Contemporary Music Makes Congregational Singing DifficultPosted by Rick on July 25th, 2008

Tom Schwegler offers insight into why contemporary music makes congregational singing difficult over on the Internet Monk’s blog.

I think Schwegler is right on. I’ve always had a problem with finding a way to incorporate contemporary music in such a way that it’s good for the congregation. I think Schwegler put some of my own thoughts into the words I couldn’t find. His points sum up my own thoughts:

Complexity: Many contemporary songs are made for soloists, not congregations. Nothing is worse to me than a passionate band singing for the congregation. That just irks me. It makes true the charge of entertainment worship.

Less information: As someone who doesn’t read music, but can generally follow notes (most of the time), I find it quite annoying to go into a church and hear a song I’ve never heard before and expect to sing it. Sometimes I can; sometimes I can’t. I want to see the music.

More oral tradition:It also vexes me to hear a worship leader sing a song contrary to the way you might hear it on CCM. I want to know what I am singing before I start singing or at least have a road map.

Chords vs. tunes: I’ve always been fond of a piano or organ (mostly piano) leading worship (Forrest is trying to convince me a guitar and drums are better, but now I’ve obtained newly read ammunition!). I’ve never understood why I felt that guitar didn’t work as well for leading congregational music, but I think Schwegler’s right in asserting it’s because guitars play chords, not tunes. It may also be that I am partial to piano over guitars; I hardly ever see anyone play an acoustic guitar in a way that doesn’t sound cheap when it comes to worship. My wife assures me that it’s just because I’ve never been in a church that plays acoustic guitars well, but I think it’s because my Catholic-Lutheran upbringing has given me a particular standard of what music should sound like.

More on GAFCONPosted by Rick on July 12th, 2008

Fr. Jerry Cimijotti gave me a book earlier this week called The Way, the Truth, and the Life written by the “Theological Resource Team of GAFCON” in the time preceding the conference.

After reading the 89 page book, I have a fuller understanding of GAFCON. The opening chapter gives a brief, but very full history of the relationship between Canterbury and GAFCON leaders, particularly in the Global South. This history clearly shows how Canterbury has consistently gone against the will of the Primates. (Perhaps one of the most interesting assertions was the belief that, in unwittingly adopting an Orthodox view of discipline, we have left ourselves defenseless.) The expense of these battles along with the distraction they have caused for spreading the gospel have caused leaders to desire a quicker measure to restore authentic Anglicanism.

The second section seeks to define authentic Anglicanism. It gives a robust and broad view of the Scriptures, the nature of Christ, and the purpose of worship.* While I found the work on sacraments lacking, it was broad enough to encompass a wide range of views. I also received the worship guide for the services that took place during the week of GAFCON. The worship definitely looked more evangelical in tone, with the use of more alternative services–which is personally not a negative, but makes me wary of the introduction of poor liturgical forms.

My major concern after reading the booklet was the interpretation and nature of the Articles of Religion (though I have been directed to further discussion on the issue). While I still have questions about whether GAFCON will be proposing a long-term solution, the description of the future re-alignment has given me a renewed hope that this is a long-term solution. While I have heard some of these plans through a couple of GAFCON attendees, I see very little written on these future plans, which I think lends itself to the understanding that GAFCON isn’t offering an alternative to what we already have in place. It is.

Moreover, my reading of the short book has also given me confidence in the competence of GAFCON leaders to create something that works.

A couple more cute Kyrie quotesPosted by Rachel on July 12th, 2008

Kyrie thinks that all pastors are Jesus. When we visited a Lutheran church a few weeks ago during our vacation at the Oregon coast, the pastor said, “Let us rise for the Kyrie,” and Kyrie whispered excitedly, “Jesus said to rise for me!”

Just now, she walked up to Rick and said, “I’m getting SO old, Papa.”

Random (Anglican-related) thoughts…Posted by Rick on July 6th, 2008

I was able to speak with Fr. Jerry a bit this morning about GAFCON, and after learning more about the future plans, my fears are somewhat allayed. I still have questions about how confessional an eventual new province might be. My fears probably because I spent time being Lutheran (LCMS) and Presbyterian, which can get pretty awful from the standard of subscribing to a confession. I know Anglicans don’t typically tend to be this way, but I am a bit paranoid. I fear things like swinging too far to a receptionist eucharistic position or communion for only the confirmed. But my fears are more of an evangelical overthrow, which I would hope didn’t happen.

On the way to church this morning, we passed an Anglo-Catholic parish, and when Rachel inquired about it, I made some flippant and probably uncharitable comment about it being a “lair of spikery.” The term was on the tip of my tongue because of an article I had read yesterday on “homosexuality and the Anglo-Catholic subculture.” The best thing about this article is it’s short summary of Anglo-Catholicism and its various branches. It shows just how complex “Anglo-Catholic” can be. It also distinguishes between High Church and Anglo-Catholic, which is relieving to me. As I’ve said here before, I would consider myself somewhat high church in that I believe we should sing/chant most of the liturgy, but I am NOT Anglo-Catholic. Nobody seems to believe that you can be high church and not Anglo-Catholic, though.