Medicine of Immortality "It's a cold, and it's a broken, 'Hallelujah!'"

Faith is Not Optional for YouPosted by Rick on May 3rd, 2010

I had the opportunity to chat with an old friend today. She was stressed out because she felt one of her dearest friends was apostatizing. Her friend, who is also an acquaintance of mine, got married at an early age, had kids, and felt the burden of responsibility. From I can hear, she has come to resent many aspects of her life.

My friend asked me to blog my thoughts on the topic of Christians denying the faith. Since my friend had to leave shortly after the request, I didn’t have time to ask her the motive behind her request. Was it so my friend could be alleviated? Was she expecting me to write something so powerful that it would cause her friend to repent? I hope not the latter because I’m about to offer a poor defense of the faith. I’m not really sure what her motive, but I can say that I’m familiar with those close to me apostatizing, and I know it is one of the most PAINFUL experiences you can imagine.

This is the sort of post that I would normally make private on my blog…mostly because the topic tends to make me use curse words, and everyone knows Christians should not use curse words (in public, at least). Curse words never win people back. The only way to win back someone who is apostatizing is to make them feel bad for their apostasy and to be perfect so that they can’t criticize the faith. (That’s sarcasm for those who don’t get my demented sense of humor.)

Faith is INSANE

I guess my first thought when I hear that someone is apostatizing is usually, “I get why she doesn’t want to believe in God. Only crazy people want to be Christians.”

The truth is that most of the time, I don’t get why I am a Christian. I sometimes wonder if it’s really faith, or just a personality defect (I have a number of those). Seriously, the highlights of my day are getting on my knees to talk to a God I can’t see and 2,000 year old stories about a guy most people don’t believe in.

My priest said today that the average Christian pastor prays five minutes per day and that the average Christian doesn’t pray at all. So, even among Christians, I’m an oddball. I didn’t always pray. Back when I thought prayer was an obligation, a duty, or a tool. Then one day, it just hit me one day: The Christian life is about drawing near to God and offering what we have.

Denzel Washington is the only Christian that gets to be REALLY famous

Rachel and I were talking about our priest’s sermon today which talked a bit of persecution, and Rachel said something like, “Who wants pain? suffering? To be hurt and reviled by others? Who wants that?” Rachel knows me well enough to know that I’m salivating at this point, just waiting to shout out, “Me!” She shot back quickly, “I don’t want that. I want to be famous and tour the world, to be adored for my talent.” I replied honestly, “I don’t want that.” She correctly replied, “But you don’t have any talent!” (By now you’ve realized my wife is better at humor than me.) In truth, Rachel wants that suffering more than she realizes. All Christians do.

Christians have to be completely insane to believe in and follow God. I mean, I can understand the “health and wealth Christians” liking God. But my faith hasn’t made me famous, popular, or rich. I don’t have much money. My friends are all poor too. I’m friends with several homeless people, but every single one of my “celebrity” friends (i.e. those in TV or movies) have unfriended me on Facebook because I too boldly proclaimed biblical ethics. It’s not very politically correct. And by the world’s standards, the Christian faith is not very “nice.” I get why this faith is so unappealing.

Quite frankly, believing my faith all the time is polarizing. I think a lot of Christians forget this because they surround themselves with other Christians.

Being a Christian Mom Sucks

I write this section to my acquaintance, my friend’s dear friend. I don’t know if she’ll read this, but what I have to say is addressed directly to her. The little time I’ve spent with you was fun. You’re a beautiful person. And you’re hilarious. You cracked me up that one night all three of our families hung out together.

Much of this is an apology to my wife too because I think you share a lot in common. I don’t know everything you’re going through, but I have a small glimpse of what my wife deals with. I simultaneously adore my wife’s beauty so much that I make her feel like it’s the only thing I value while AT THE SAME TIME make her think she’s not pretty enough.

My wife is talented. Really talented. She is one of the best writers I know. She beats me in every fight, not because I give in, but because I can’t beat her in a debate. She’s smarter than me, and I detest that. She sings like an angel. She makes beautiful music on her violin.

But her life involves cleaning all day long, dealing with children who never stop talking, changing diapers, doing laundry, and trying to teach a four year old that’s smarter than me. I have to watch the kids sometimes, and about 3 hours in, comas sound appealing. On top of that, she has to deal with me getting upset over stupid things like gummy worms (don’t ask).

If she’s lucky, she’ll be able to get together with a friend to play music once a week. She never gets to write. She does get to beat me in debates fairly often, but I don’t think that’s much of a consolation.

I hardly ever tell her how great she sings or plays, how amazing her writing is, how artistically talented she is, how wonderful of a mom she is, or how much I appreciate the little things she does.

An older lady at our church stays late at church every week to clean up. I was the last one out today, so I thanked her for being faithful in doing the little things. I don’t say that stuff to my wife. I forget. I assume she knows. I expect it.

My wife is overworked and under-appreciated.

I don’t know you well. But I know you are beautiful and talented. And I know you’re tired of having just one role that you’re expected to fill. I haven’t talked to your husband, but I know how hard this is on him. I had a roommate leave the faith. That was just a roommate. I know how much the little things people say can crush my own wife’s faith.

I know they say the grass is always seems greener on the other side. It’s not. It can seem like it for awhile, but it’s not.

Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I know that you know that. You’ve lost the Way. The path you’re on leads to destruction. The Deceiver is whispering lies. He leads to death. Jesus Christ is the Life. In Him, you live, and move, and have your being. Outside of Him, you die.

He has claimed you as His own. Do not forget that. Do not foolishly deny that.

You also have responsibilities to your family. You can cross a line with your spouse that’s irreparable. Don’t do that. How many 80 year olds do you know that regret that they didn’t party enough? Far fewer than the number of people who wish they would have spent more time with their children. You never hear a grown woman tell her mom, “I really respect that you didn’t stay home with dad. I really respect that you partied instead.”

I hardly know you, and I care for you. When I heard about the choices you’re making, my heart ached. I can’t imagine how your husband feels. Our mutual friend is hurting. Most of all, you are hurting. And I get that. But putting on a cheery Facebook profile doesn’t work for long. There’s some stuff you have to deal with. Quit wasting time. Don’t put it off.

Jesus Christ loves you. I know you think this is your decision. But your life is not your own. You were bought at a price.

Addendum: To Her Friends

From what I observe, she doesn’t really want to apostatize. She’s trying an alternative life on because her current life is not fitting very well. If she was serious about apostatizing, she’d be more public. She’s hurting. She doesn’t feel like she’s reaching her full potential. Things aren’t making a lot of sense right now, especially when you can’t step away from the burdens of life. She’s wanting you to respond with love. And you’re probably and upset. Show her the love of Christ. She’s not looking for an academic argument. She knows in her heart that the alternative life makes no more logical sense. It’s just a bit more fun and enjoyable right now. The Christian life doesn’t have to be a drag. It will have suffering and pain. But so will the other life. The difference in those two lives should be shown in love.

Late Night ThoughtsPosted by Rachel on March 25th, 2010

My mind tends to start spinning when the house is quiet and the minutes are creeping closer to midnight. Not sure how I got on this awful schedule, but there you have it!

Life has been interesting lately. So much has been up in the air, and yet I’m somehow feeling okay about things and learning to treasure what I’ve got and wait in hopeful expectation of whatever’s in store for us in the future.

I’ve been really encouraged lately to realize that I’ve been growing and changing and figuring out how to deal with some of my issues and insecurities. I’ve never really wanted to admit that I’m an insecure person, and have even resented if someone has implied as much to me, but looking back on the past several years, I can see how much my lack of confidence and confusion about my identity hindered me in the way of relationships. Ironically, a lot of people whom I’ve rubbed the wrong way have sensed arrogance from me, or an overly confident personality. Well, maybe I’ve struggled with arrogance, but a lot of my weaknesses are rooted in uncertainty, not being too certain or confident in myself or anything else.

I’m not sure how, but life somehow feels more simple now than it ever did, in a time when lots of things really are, if I look at them, quite confusing and unclear. But I’m finally sure of what’s important, and that’s simple. God is with us, and we are to be with Him. We are to love Him, and walk in the light. If my life on earth ends tomorrow, I feel peace about living it for God today. And if my life lasts many more years (which is my hope), I will continue to grow as God fills me to be an instrument for His glory.

Being a stay-at-home-mom has not always felt fulfilling to me, but it’s not really about me feeling fulfilled — it’s about me fulfilling my duty as a child of God, to show the example of Christ and love my children as beautiful, priceless gifts. The realization that it’s not about what I get out of it is what can turn it around to make it suddenly feel fulfilling. I don’t always feel so thankful, and I will likely get frustrated again tomorrow over something. But wiping snotty noses and counting to ten after seeing an entire box of Cheerios on the floor and listening to my 4-year-old chatterbox who just. never. stops. is part of the life God’s given me. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

We’re BackPosted by Rachel on March 9th, 2010

We’ve been away for a while due to blog problems but we’re hoping to wake up things a little around here. Life has been crazy for the past several months. There’s been good crazy and bad crazy. I don’t even know where to begin and I know that at least for now, I can’t get into all of it. But God is always there, and I’m always trying my best to listen.

In September, I went through some trials that left me feeling very down and very self-absorbed with my problems. As the months have passed, I’ve found that in moments, I am able to rise above the pain, and in others, I’ve succumbed to my own weakness. God continues to be gracious and I continue to wrestle with my own sin and pray for the healing of relationships.

My family has been, as always, amazing. Rick is a constant source of comfort and encouragement, and Kyrie and Antonio fill my life with joy and moments of being as carefree as I remember being as a child. Sometimes there is no better description for my children than little angels. And goodness knows they’re not really angels — their behaviour can be exhausting and infuriating — but the love and the innocence that they display from their sweet spirits really help to lift mine. It’s such a joy to be a mom, even though I have those moments when I wonder if I really am called to be a mom. Sometimes I’m just really truly not good at it. At all.

God has been kind enough to open my eyes to friendships that have always been there, waiting for me — and introduce new friends into my life. He has never abandoned me, even when I think that He has.

It’s been difficult for me to enter into the season of Lent this year. Antonio was sick on Ash Wednesday, so I wasn’t able to attend a service. Being able to hear the words “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” while the cross is drawn in ashes on my forehead by the thumb of the priest is something that is so profound to me that I can hardly articulate my feelings about it. It helps to set the tone for the entire season. I have not chosen to give up anything specifically, nor have I conscientiously added any particular disciplines. However, I do find myself returning to the Lord, and drawing closer to Him, and seeing the sickness of my own soul and the desperation with which my whole body aches for salvation.

Joy in Simplicity and GrandeurPosted by Rachel on August 13th, 2009

I love that it’s the things that cost the least money that usually are the most fun. Rick and I went to the pet store today just to let the kids look at the puppies and kitties, birds and fish, snakes and lizards, and one really disgusting bullfrog. Antonio was thrilled with everything. He is an animal lover to the core. Kyrie loved the puppies and was quite interested in the “bearded dragons,” asking if they could fly, “Because they can fly on DragonTales!” (sigh) It made me happy to see my kids squeal at all the animals and enjoy a free evening, just being curious about the creatures in the world around them.

There are just some things money can’t buy. I mean, yes, money is necessary for us to get by, pay the bills, buy food, have a place to live, etc. But I am most aware of my joy when I am looking at a summer sky streaked with flaming pink clouds resting above the honey-orange glow of a sunset. Or from smelling the crisp, clean night air and looking at the thousands of twinkling stars and a mellow, gleaming moon and knowing that God put it all there. My joy comes from knowing that even though we are so small, so insignificant, just…dust, we’re still loved by a God who pours out His love on us because He is love.

And it comes from the love that I impart and receive every day, to and from my husband and my children. Their kisses and smiles and words of affirmation give me the strength I need to love them back, and clean up after them, and comfort them. And Rick’s never-ending patience and loyalty helps me cope when I would have otherwise given up long ago.

But at the root of it, joy isn’t dependent on a good situation, financial or otherwise. I guess it isn’t really even dependent on beautiful sunsets or starry skies. It’s just knowing that God is love, that He loves me, and that I am here to love and serve Him for eternity. And that’s the source of my joy. Even when I’m not feeling happy, nobody can take away that joy.

Mini-CapezzaismsPosted by Rachel on August 9th, 2009

Earlier today, while we were headed to the store, Rick and I were talking about how fun it would be to go to Hawaii (yeah, we often talk of exotic vacation spots, we can’t help it) and Kyrie said, “Hawaii?? That’s the place where they dance.” “Oh, really? What kind of dancing?” we asked her, and she said, “The kind where you wiggle. You wiggle your body. I’ll show you when we get to the store.” Once we got there, she started rocking her hips back and forth in the parking lot and said, “See? That’s the kind of dancing they do in Hawaii.”

Tonight, during Compline, Antonio looked at the eighth notes on the page and kept saying they looked like cars (the ones that were grouped together — I can kinda see it). I explained that it was music, so after Compline ended, he flipped through the LBW to various hymns, singing “Lord, Lord, Loooord!”

And I’m blanking on several other cute things that were said by the kiddos this evening. Maybe it’ll come to me later.

Conversations with Kyrie about God, our priest, and Santa ClausPosted by Rick on April 4th, 2009

We were in the car yesterday, and I was talking about some sort of inanimate object (I can’t remember what) in the car last night, and Kyrie asked me where it was. This is the conversation that ensued.

Me: It died. It died and went to be with Jesus.
Kyrie: *laughs* Where is Jesus?
Me: Jesus is in heaven, with the Father.
Kyrie: Where is heaven?
Me: It’s all around us. It’s here, but it’s also in another dimension.
Kyrie: Does God talk to you?
Me: Well, He talks to us in His word and through His Spirit. We can talk to him when we pray.
Kyrie: We can talk to Jesus when we pray. And we can pray to the God the Father. And we can pray to Fr. Jerry.
Me: No, we can’t pray to Fr. Jerry. We can talk to Fr. Jerry at church and when we see him. We can only pray to God. Fr. Jerry is just a nice man who teaches us about Jesus.
Kyrie: When does he teach us about Jesus.
Me: When we go to church, and he talks to us. He talks about Jesus.
Kyrie: Santa Claus doesn’t talk about Jesus. He’s just a nice guy who gives us presents.

KyrieismPosted by Rick on September 11th, 2008

One thing I’ve really enjoyed since Kyrie was born is putting her to sleep. I’ve probably done this more than any other child responsibility. Something about papa and just wanting to go to sleep. Since Kyrie’s birth, I’ve used two main lullabies to get her to sleep. The one I use most often is “Eat this Bread” (followed by “American Pie,” which is what I use when she’s not very tired).

Anyway, after compline tonight, both Rachel and I were singing her to sleep. It doesn’t happen very often that we both sing her to sleep together, but Kyrie stopped us in the middle of our singing to say this:

Kyrie (tapping her doll’s head): I put water on her head.
Rick: To baptize her, so she can be in Jesus?
Kyrie: Yes.
Rachel: Do you know anything about this?
Rick: Noooo.

Kyrie, on sinPosted by Rick on August 8th, 2008

Kyrie: Jesus took my sins away. Jesus will give my sins back to me.
Rachel: Kyrie, that’s a good thing that He took them away.
Kyrie: I want my sins back!

I think she believes that she can do extra mischief if she had more sins to work with.

Why Contemporary Music Makes Congregational Singing DifficultPosted by Rick on July 25th, 2008

Tom Schwegler offers insight into why contemporary music makes congregational singing difficult over on the Internet Monk’s blog.

I think Schwegler is right on. I’ve always had a problem with finding a way to incorporate contemporary music in such a way that it’s good for the congregation. I think Schwegler put some of my own thoughts into the words I couldn’t find. His points sum up my own thoughts:

Complexity: Many contemporary songs are made for soloists, not congregations. Nothing is worse to me than a passionate band singing for the congregation. That just irks me. It makes true the charge of entertainment worship.

Less information: As someone who doesn’t read music, but can generally follow notes (most of the time), I find it quite annoying to go into a church and hear a song I’ve never heard before and expect to sing it. Sometimes I can; sometimes I can’t. I want to see the music.

More oral tradition:It also vexes me to hear a worship leader sing a song contrary to the way you might hear it on CCM. I want to know what I am singing before I start singing or at least have a road map.

Chords vs. tunes: I’ve always been fond of a piano or organ (mostly piano) leading worship (Forrest is trying to convince me a guitar and drums are better, but now I’ve obtained newly read ammunition!). I’ve never understood why I felt that guitar didn’t work as well for leading congregational music, but I think Schwegler’s right in asserting it’s because guitars play chords, not tunes. It may also be that I am partial to piano over guitars; I hardly ever see anyone play an acoustic guitar in a way that doesn’t sound cheap when it comes to worship. My wife assures me that it’s just because I’ve never been in a church that plays acoustic guitars well, but I think it’s because my Catholic-Lutheran upbringing has given me a particular standard of what music should sound like.

More on GAFCONPosted by Rick on July 12th, 2008

Fr. Jerry Cimijotti gave me a book earlier this week called The Way, the Truth, and the Life written by the “Theological Resource Team of GAFCON” in the time preceding the conference.

After reading the 89 page book, I have a fuller understanding of GAFCON. The opening chapter gives a brief, but very full history of the relationship between Canterbury and GAFCON leaders, particularly in the Global South. This history clearly shows how Canterbury has consistently gone against the will of the Primates. (Perhaps one of the most interesting assertions was the belief that, in unwittingly adopting an Orthodox view of discipline, we have left ourselves defenseless.) The expense of these battles along with the distraction they have caused for spreading the gospel have caused leaders to desire a quicker measure to restore authentic Anglicanism.

The second section seeks to define authentic Anglicanism. It gives a robust and broad view of the Scriptures, the nature of Christ, and the purpose of worship.* While I found the work on sacraments lacking, it was broad enough to encompass a wide range of views. I also received the worship guide for the services that took place during the week of GAFCON. The worship definitely looked more evangelical in tone, with the use of more alternative services–which is personally not a negative, but makes me wary of the introduction of poor liturgical forms.

My major concern after reading the booklet was the interpretation and nature of the Articles of Religion (though I have been directed to further discussion on the issue). While I still have questions about whether GAFCON will be proposing a long-term solution, the description of the future re-alignment has given me a renewed hope that this is a long-term solution. While I have heard some of these plans through a couple of GAFCON attendees, I see very little written on these future plans, which I think lends itself to the understanding that GAFCON isn’t offering an alternative to what we already have in place. It is.

Moreover, my reading of the short book has also given me confidence in the competence of GAFCON leaders to create something that works.