In September, I went through some trials that left me feeling very down and very self-absorbed with my problems. As the months have passed, I’ve found that in moments, I am able to rise above the pain, and in others, I’ve succumbed to my own weakness. God continues to be gracious and I continue to wrestle with my own sin and pray for the healing of relationships.

My family has been, as always, amazing. Rick is a constant source of comfort and encouragement, and Kyrie and Antonio fill my life with joy and moments of being as carefree as I remember being as a child. Sometimes there is no better description for my children than little angels. And goodness knows they’re not really angels — their behaviour can be exhausting and infuriating — but the love and the innocence that they display from their sweet spirits really help to lift mine. It’s such a joy to be a mom, even though I have those moments when I wonder if I really am called to be a mom. Sometimes I’m just really truly not good at it. At all.

God has been kind enough to open my eyes to friendships that have always been there, waiting for me — and introduce new friends into my life. He has never abandoned me, even when I think that He has.

It’s been difficult for me to enter into the season of Lent this year. Antonio was sick on Ash Wednesday, so I wasn’t able to attend a service. Being able to hear the words “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” while the cross is drawn in ashes on my forehead by the thumb of the priest is something that is so profound to me that I can hardly articulate my feelings about it. It helps to set the tone for the entire season. I have not chosen to give up anything specifically, nor have I conscientiously added any particular disciplines. However, I do find myself returning to the Lord, and drawing closer to Him, and seeing the sickness of my own soul and the desperation with which my whole body aches for salvation.

We recently took a trip to Florida and had a wonderful time. Rick has been attending Robbert E. Webber’s Institute for Worship Studies in Orange Park, FL for the past 3 years, spending the past year working on his doctoral thesis, and finishing it up last winter, earning the title of Dr. Capezza. The official graduation ceremony was 8 days ago in Florida, so we decided to plan a family vacation around that time so we could kill two birds with one stone.

We arrived on Wednesday, June 10th, in time for the convocation. The worship was beautiful, and the enthusiasm and love for God was felt in everyone around me as we sang our praises to God without reserve or hesitation. After the service, we drove down to Daytona Beach, where we’d spend the next three days soaking up sun, splashing in the waves, building sandcastles, and relaxing in the pool. We had an oceanfront hotel, which was really just perfect for us. We were able to spend lots of time on the beach, which is mostly what I wanted to do. The kids absolutely loved the pool, and were very brave and confident in the water. Antonio was too afraid of the waves at the beach to get near the water, but liked digging in the sand. Kyrie was thrilled with the waves and also loved looking for pretty seashells along the shore.

On Saturday morning, we left Daytona and drove back into Jacksonville to pick up Rick’s mom from the airport. We spent some time at the mall until our hotel was ready for us to check-in. We had a nice evening at the home of the Creeches, the couple that hosted Rick every time he traveled to Florida for classes throughout his schooling.

The next morning we attended a Russian Orthodox Church in the area. I would have probably enjoyed it more if Antonio hadn’t decided to be a screamer that day. The singing was beautiful. There are definitely aspects of Orthodox worship that I would love to see recovered in Western liturgy. There were other things about the service that I didn’t find particularly appealing, but overall I thought it was a lovely service.

We had to kill some time before the graduation, so we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese’s to get some energy out (the beach wasn’t an option because we had already checked out of our hotel and didn’t want to come to the ceremony all sandy and salty). They had fun, and to our surprise, we killed all the time we needed and were ready to head over to the church. Rick went to rehearsal and Rick’s mom and I spent some time with the kids in the nursery. I also had the chance to take a few pictures of Rick before the ceremony.

The ceremony was great. Some of the music was a little weird for my taste, but some of it was just beautiful. And the people sang with all their hearts, so the sanctuary was filled with noises of praise to God. After taking lots of pictures following the ceremony (visible on facebook if you’re my friend), we headed to Palm Coast, where we’d spend the remainder of our vacation in a 2-bedroom condo along with Rick’s mom.

It was really cute, spacious, and relaxing. The pool there was huge, and we made sure to get plenty of use out of it. We also managed to make it to the beach, although sadly, the beach there wasn’t as nice as Daytona beach. We had lots of fun anyway, though.

On Wednesday morning, we packed up and headed back to Jacksonville. No trip to the South is complete without a visit to the Cracker Barrel, so that was where we ate lunch. Soon after, we dropped Rick’s mom off at the airport, and then went to a few stores to kill some time before our flight. It was beastly hot, so we found a Chick-fil-A with an indoor play place and let the kids get some energy out before the long flight home. We stayed there until it was time to get to the airport, return the rental car, and check-in for our flight. Other than the long, 4 hour flight in the middle, it was all relatively smooth travel on the way back. Our vacation was just what we needed, but it was really good to be home.

Me: It died. It died and went to be with Jesus.
Kyrie: *laughs* Where is Jesus?
Me: Jesus is in heaven, with the Father.
Kyrie: Where is heaven?
Me: It’s all around us. It’s here, but it’s also in another dimension.
Kyrie: Does God talk to you?
Me: Well, He talks to us in His word and through His Spirit. We can talk to him when we pray.
Kyrie: We can talk to Jesus when we pray. And we can pray to the God the Father. And we can pray to Fr. Jerry.
Me: No, we can’t pray to Fr. Jerry. We can talk to Fr. Jerry at church and when we see him. We can only pray to God. Fr. Jerry is just a nice man who teaches us about Jesus.
Kyrie: When does he teach us about Jesus.
Me: When we go to church, and he talks to us. He talks about Jesus.
Kyrie: Santa Claus doesn’t talk about Jesus. He’s just a nice guy who gives us presents.

Kyrie’s eyes lit up as she answered the question: “Mufasa is!”

Anyway, after compline tonight, both Rachel and I were singing her to sleep. It doesn’t happen very often that we both sing her to sleep together, but Kyrie stopped us in the middle of our singing to say this:

Kyrie (tapping her doll’s head): I put water on her head.
Rick: To baptize her, so she can be in Jesus?
Kyrie: Yes.
Rachel: Do you know anything about this?
Rick: Noooo.

I guess he loves his grandma.

There are a lot of things I will miss about Monroe, which may come as a surprise to some, but there were certainly attachments formed during our first four years of marriage living in Louisiana. I remember Isaiah and I driving the rental truck down, pulling into the driveway of the first house that Rick and I would live in, enjoying temperatures in the 70’s on New Year’s Day, having fun with friends, sighing contentedly at the deep blue sky streaked with pink clouds after a thunderstorm, and admiring the sunset over the peaceful bayou. I remember seeing the positive line on a pregnancy test with Kyrie, and again with Antonio, in the little bathroom of our house. I remember painting our dining room red because I need to live with color. I remember painting walls, sewing curtains, and hanging pictures to make our house a home. I gave birth to both of our babies in Louisiana. Antonio was born right in his sister’s room. There are so many special memories that we’ll carry with us. And I know I’ll never forget the challenges we faced as a new couple, and then a new family, living across the country from my family. It was good for me, and I’m thankful for the experience. I wouldn’t change it if I could.

Now that we are back in Spokane, I feel like everything is right. I feel joy when I just look into the starry night sky or smell the fresh, beautiful Northwest air. Every blade of grass that I see blowing in the wind seems familiar to me. I hear voices all around me in the buzzing of bees, songs of birds, and even the distant sounds of machinery or cars whizzing by that seem to be welcoming me home. It fills me with a joy and a feeling of belonging that I can’t fully describe.

Spokane River

Timothy & Uncle Matthew

Noelle & Kyrie on the plane ride

Noelle and Kyrie on the train ride

Noelle & Kyrie on the bumper boats

Antonio was a little miffed that he didn’t get to go on any rides

The kids

Kyrie on the carousel

The clock tower and other loveliness

I got a weird angle on this one. It looks like it’s leaning…

Kyrie & Antonio relaxing in the grass

It’s my little guy!