The two families in question were two childhood friends of Rachel and their spouses. When Rachel and I were first getting to know each other, both couples did not support our courtship. But after things progressed, they changed their minds. Couple #1 repented. Couple #2 pretended that they had always supported us, and said that they really thought what couple #1 did was wrong. Of course, couple #2 had also shunned us, but we didn’t really care that they were trying to cover up our past since they liked us at that point.

After we got married, we moved away, and we became really close with couple #1, with them even visiting us a couple of times. After about a year, we tried really hard to get back to Spokane because we missed both Rachel’s parents and both couples. It took us three years. When we finally got back up, couples #1 and #2 had become really close. Things got tense with couple #1 soon after we moved up, in large part due to how much time we spent with them. We relaxed our relationship, things got better, but damage was done.

Over time, couple #1 made some comments that indicated that there were jealous of how much time we spent with couple #2. Of course, we were jealous of how much time couple #1 spent with couple #2. Couple #2 made comments about how they were jealous of how close we were to couple #1. A triangle of jealousy ensued. In the end, we lost out.

“Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;/Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,/The blood dimm’d tide is loosed, and everywhere/The ceremony of innocence is drowned;/The best lack all conviction, while the worst/Are full of passionate intensity.”

Things fell apart. Both relationships were damaged. And for four months, we tried repairing them. Couple #2 told us they had to pray about being our friends and would get back to us. They never did. We drove couple #1 nuts by trying to get back to a close relationship with them – something they were not able to give. We’re still trying to work on reconciliation with them, but our expectations have been drastically lowered.

Losing those two friendships hurt, but what we hadn’t realized is that we had two other sets of great friends with whom we hadn’t really worked to develop our relationships. Both were also Rachel’s childhood friends and their spouses; both remained friends and supported our relationship in its early stages. And in redeveloping those friendships, I realized that I had put up a wall with both couples #1 and #2. Because of our past history, I didn’t truly put my trust in them. In fact, I always had a deep distrust of couple #2. I used humor to deflect my true feelings a lot. I had never shared my heart in the way that I was now able to share my heart with couple #3, and to a lesser extent, couple #4. And since then, we’ve also developed friendships with 2 other couples. Couple #5 is more a fun-couple – a couple with whom we can have fun, but there is still a wall preventing anything deeper. And we’re okay with that. We’re not trying to turn it into more than it is.

Couple #6 is a set of new friends. We’ve hung out with couple #6 three weeks in a row, and I sense a great compatibility with this couple. Not only is there much commonality in interests, but I feel the same sense of brokenness. They too are in a healing process. They too are in an uncertain time. They have faced judgment. And with this brokenness and uncertainty comes an openness that goes both ways. I don’t mean a relationship that’s based on gossip about our hurts either. It’s not. It’s based on our common faith. It’s based on a willingness to say that we’re broken, hurting, fragile, vulnerable, and a little bit lost – something that’s hard for me to admit. But something that was so easy to release the first time we spent time with them.

Despite losing closeness with two sets of friends, God has used our pain to draw us closer as a couple and closer to Him. He’s provided us with friends who are, by no means, a replacement for our old friends, but who are sets of new beginnings or rejuvenations of seeds long untended.

In September, I went through some trials that left me feeling very down and very self-absorbed with my problems. As the months have passed, I’ve found that in moments, I am able to rise above the pain, and in others, I’ve succumbed to my own weakness. God continues to be gracious and I continue to wrestle with my own sin and pray for the healing of relationships.

My family has been, as always, amazing. Rick is a constant source of comfort and encouragement, and Kyrie and Antonio fill my life with joy and moments of being as carefree as I remember being as a child. Sometimes there is no better description for my children than little angels. And goodness knows they’re not really angels — their behaviour can be exhausting and infuriating — but the love and the innocence that they display from their sweet spirits really help to lift mine. It’s such a joy to be a mom, even though I have those moments when I wonder if I really am called to be a mom. Sometimes I’m just really truly not good at it. At all.

God has been kind enough to open my eyes to friendships that have always been there, waiting for me — and introduce new friends into my life. He has never abandoned me, even when I think that He has.

It’s been difficult for me to enter into the season of Lent this year. Antonio was sick on Ash Wednesday, so I wasn’t able to attend a service. Being able to hear the words “Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return,” while the cross is drawn in ashes on my forehead by the thumb of the priest is something that is so profound to me that I can hardly articulate my feelings about it. It helps to set the tone for the entire season. I have not chosen to give up anything specifically, nor have I conscientiously added any particular disciplines. However, I do find myself returning to the Lord, and drawing closer to Him, and seeing the sickness of my own soul and the desperation with which my whole body aches for salvation.

There are a lot of things I will miss about Monroe, which may come as a surprise to some, but there were certainly attachments formed during our first four years of marriage living in Louisiana. I remember Isaiah and I driving the rental truck down, pulling into the driveway of the first house that Rick and I would live in, enjoying temperatures in the 70’s on New Year’s Day, having fun with friends, sighing contentedly at the deep blue sky streaked with pink clouds after a thunderstorm, and admiring the sunset over the peaceful bayou. I remember seeing the positive line on a pregnancy test with Kyrie, and again with Antonio, in the little bathroom of our house. I remember painting our dining room red because I need to live with color. I remember painting walls, sewing curtains, and hanging pictures to make our house a home. I gave birth to both of our babies in Louisiana. Antonio was born right in his sister’s room. There are so many special memories that we’ll carry with us. And I know I’ll never forget the challenges we faced as a new couple, and then a new family, living across the country from my family. It was good for me, and I’m thankful for the experience. I wouldn’t change it if I could.

Now that we are back in Spokane, I feel like everything is right. I feel joy when I just look into the starry night sky or smell the fresh, beautiful Northwest air. Every blade of grass that I see blowing in the wind seems familiar to me. I hear voices all around me in the buzzing of bees, songs of birds, and even the distant sounds of machinery or cars whizzing by that seem to be welcoming me home. It fills me with a joy and a feeling of belonging that I can’t fully describe.

We did some fireworks on the street…

And then I had some fun capturing sparkler art with a slow shutter speed (I knew the bulb exposure setting was good for something).

I also found out something interesting at church today. After the service, I started talking politics with Bishop Cavalcanti. It turns out that he was a political science professor before becoming a bishop. After this discussion Fr. Jerry mentioned that Bishop Cavalcanti was a major player in South American politics, but we know little of him since he doesn’t write in English. A search on Amazon confirmed this as his name pops up in many books on evangelicals in politics in Latin America. One of them calls him a “leader of the evangelical left,” which I find a funny term since those are almost exclusive adjectives in America (though I would probably throw myself under a title like that).

An interesting weekend to say the least.

We’ve had a ton of bills lately with the new table (we outgrew the old one), computer (it died), washer and dryer (they were dying together), computer, midwife, doula, tuition, and visits from family. God has provided a lot of money to meet those bills. I mean a lot. Close to $10,000 in the last three weeks. (I broke a Black Friday sales record and received my overload pay from teaching all in the last three weeks.) That almost covers everything (yeah, they add up). What would normally have been a stressful time has not been that bad.

I have a beautiful new son. The birth was incredible. It couldn’t have gone any more perfectly. The doula was incredible when it came to supporting Rachel. The whole time Rachel was in labor, I kept thanking God for her. The midwife was great too, but let the doula pretty much handle things.

My daughter continues to grow in her relationship to Christ. She amazes me sometimes.

I’m glad to be in a church where we can chant, receive communion every week, feel loved, and our children can commune. We’ve actually been able to develop a relationship with a fellow congregation member (though in its early stages, it’s nice to be able to connect to someone other than the pastor and his family). The lady is a bit older than us, but her youngest son is close to Kyrie’s age.

My class this semester will be taught by Reggie Kidd, and it’s on my favorite subject. How great is that? I’ve been able to finish most of the books (I saved the best ones for last, so woohoo).

I’ve had off of work for three straight days. I don’t think I’ve had more than one day in a row off since August (and even then I was usually working on my day off). It’s been a time of healing and rest (though I must say I am wiped out from all the work I am doing–but it’s different work, so in a big way, it’s restful).

We have family coming to visit. Forrest and Rebekah will be here in less than two weeks. The Enloe family also plans to come by. Mommy and daddy plan on coming in February. It will be so nice to have company again, and it’s nice to have a table that will fit everyone (tightly though!).

I love how all of our close friends’ families are growing. Exponential growth is nice when it involves friends.

We are planning to stay our entire summer in Spokane, if possible. Actually, it would be nice to just move up there, so maybe a job can fall in our laps (pretty please!).

It’s Advent. The long green season is fully over.

Oh, Lord remind us once again of your wonderful works. Hallelujah! Glory be to our great God.

I asked him why he never wrote anything on the subject that might have swayed pastors to vote the other way, and the answer was that he just didn’t have the time. It looks like he found the time recently, and his thoughts are right on the money: