Medicine of Immortality Remember you are dust

One Season Fades into AnotherPosted by Rachel on September 15th, 2009

I can’t say I’m sorry to see summer go. Don’t get me wrong — I enjoyed every popsicle, ice cream cone, walk to the park, and trek out to the lake (and let’s face it, I’ll continue enjoying at least the ice cream long after summer is past), but along with the joys of the season, I have endured my crises as well. I’m not a drama queen, really. I just have had some little bumps along the way in regards to relationships, including the one I have with God. Rick has really helped me along in every aspect, and I’ve finally turned some corners and learned that I need not doubt God’s love and mercy. I have had my moments of doubt, and I’ll likely always remember this summer as another time in my life where I became more clearly defined as a person. It’s amazing how we are born with so much personality, but never cease to grow and change shape throughout our lives. Humans are sometimes infuriatingly, and always fascinatingly, complex.

Summer is almost over, so I will cherish every hour of sunlight as each day shortens, bask in the heat of the sun before it cools, and let my kids live in their swimsuits if they want to, before they have to be packed up and put in storage again. But I am also waiting in hopeful expection of the renewal that each new season brings to me. A change in the wind seems to be somehow rejuvenating to my soul. I look forward to chilly mornings, hot apple cider, crunchy, colorful leaves beneath my feet, and the feeling of transcendence amidst my utter powerlessness under the care of a loving God who guides each falling leaf to its resting place and blows the wind in the direction He chooses.

I look forward to watching my own children as they learn, grow, change, and become closer to the God who loves them. I look forward to continuing to be a part of their lives, and an influence on the people they will someday become. And somehow, the changing from one season to another is proof to me that time is ever moving along, and we are changing, and God is constant.

A little bit about friendship and lovePosted by Rachel on September 8th, 2009

Moving to Spokane has been a very wonderful, but difficult, transition for our family. I love the weather here (most of the time!), and the fact that we are near my family. I feel like it is important for Kyrie and Antonio to be able to be near their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents, and a major part of why I am glad that we moved here is really for their sakes. I also am happy for my mom and dad, who are particularly thankful to have all of their grandchildren local to them, and I think they realize how blessed they are!

But even surrounded by our family and friends of our youth, I couldn’t shake a feeling that had been nagging me for several months. I felt like an outsider. And Rick and I had been making lots of effort in trying to be friends with the people we expected we’d naturally feel close to once we moved back to Spokane. But now I can see how in so many ways, we were seeking friendship in the wrong way. Our desire to be the loved ones, the special ones, was just focusing on the selfish elements of friendship.

I also realize now that I didn’t work hard enough to cultivate new friendships. Again, this was just because I was viewing the use of friendship in a selfish way. As long as I had the friends *I* wanted, I’d be fine. But I wasn’t focusing as much on *being* a friend. And not just being a friend to the people whose friendship I especially coveted, but to people who needed that friendship from me.

By choosing to focus so much on what friends I had, and not focusing on being a good friend to others, I ended up harming myself. I am beginning to realize that the things on earth I cling to so much are likely the things that will slip away from me.

I’ve learned a lot in the past few days. A lot has come to light, and I’m starting to sort out those things now. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that is does no good to fret over who likes me or who likes Rick, or who really wants to be our friends. What we are called to do is love God and others, and loving others doesn’t include sitting around all day worrying over who loves me.

I know that in God’s eyes, I am precious. I know that I am a sinner, and without His grace covering me, I am ugly. But while I dwell in Him, I am beautiful. And because of this truth, I have something to offer to others. I have friendship to give. And it is much better to view friendship as something that I can give than as something I want to get.

None of this is to say that friendship is now to me only something that I offer, and not something that I receive. I believe that as I have the attitude that I am giving of myself to others in friendship, I will also be blessed in the same way from them. In my marriage, I’ve found this to be especially true. The more I give, the more I feel that I receive in return.

Things.Posted by Rachel on July 7th, 2009

* The Fourth of July was lots of fun. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard about nothing! I loved it. And all the food was delicious, the drinks were grrreat, the fireworks pretty, and the sparklers, nostalgic of the best of times. I was proud that Antonio held his own and did so well with them.

* It is good to know that I have friends who will listen to my whining about nothingness. Sometimes it helps clear my head and reassure me that things really will be okay, even when I’m having a bad day.

* I have often looked at my kids and been struck at how quickly they change and grow, but lately, it seems as if Kyrie is growing before my very eyes. This makes me proud and very sad at the same time. I find myself thinking back on when she was a tiny, not quite eight pound little newborn, and I didn’t know that in a flash, she would be my big girl.

* I really want to take dance classes with Rick, but we don’t know what to do about finding a babysitter. We don’t even know where to look. This is disheartening.

* The pool at Shadle Park, I believe, is now open. I’m just waiting for a nice, hot day when Rick and I and the kids can go experience it. It looks wonderfully refreshing when I glance at it as we drive by.

* It is late and I’m not in bed. This is probably a really bad idea.

* Good night.

So, I’m a night owl.Posted by Rachel on April 2nd, 2009

Rick and I have never really gotten into the same routine when it comes to going to sleep and waking up. He wakes up much earlier than I do, and usually says goodbye to his nearly comatose wife every morning as he heads out the door to work. At night, I’ll either find something stupid to watch on TV, browse the internet, or read a book until I can’t stay awake any longer. It’s at night that my mind starts to spin with ideas and memories and thoughts and feelings. It’s apparently when Rick lets go of all of that and just falls asleep effortlessly. I type away on the computer while he snores. I’m a little jealous. I think mornings are beautiful, and I’ve never really wanted to miss out on them. And I don’t particularly enjoy staying up late, even if I do appreciate the alone time it offers me. It’s just…how I am. Not that I couldn’t probably change that with a lot of effort. But a lot of effort, is, well, hard.

So I’ve been thinking about how much I love my family. Immediate family first, extended next. Well, and my friends, whom I really consider to be part of my extended family. But I’m focusing on my immediate family here. They bring me so much joy every day. I know, I’m one of those moms that can’t shut up about how wonderful and rewarding it is to be a mom, and how adorable and beautiful and sweet and smart my children are. But, hey, it’s true. And none of it is anything I deserve. Any good traits that my children have, I certainly can’t take credit for. Their sweet spirits remind me of the love of Christ every day. And their challenging behaviour humbles me. I see my own weaknesses in them. And I realize that I’m just the same as my challenging children. I do stupid, selfish things that I should have learned from the millions of times before that they were bad decisions. I just don’t “get” why Kyrie keeps doing something after I’ve told her not to, and then I realize that God has told me not to do things that I return to doing almost daily. And then I vow I’ll never do it again. “I don’t want to be a mom who yells,” I’ll say, and then I’ll pray and ask God to help me have endless patience with my kids. And I will try. But then someone will do something like dump out nail polish or draw with a pen on the couch or give me some major attitude or hit their sibling, and then my obedience to God goes out the window as well. I’m realizing that leading by example means a lot more than being nice to your kids so they’ll be nice to others. It means showing that you can follow your authority figures, the biggest one being God. How can I expect obedience and respect from my children when I’m not obeying my Master? And if I’m supposed to follow the example that He is setting for me, I should meet disobedience with forgiveness and compassion and lots of “second chances.” That’s not to say there aren’t punishments or consequences for wrong actions, but rather to say that they’re all done in love, or ought to be.

More from Kyrie…Posted by Rick on January 18th, 2009

Randomly: “There are Pretenders among us…”

Singing: “When the sun came up, there was whiskey in the cup…”

Her translation of Ps. 119:103: “Your words are sweet tonight….”

Hello? Anybody out there?Posted by Rachel on January 14th, 2009

Or is everyone on Facebook? Just wondering.

FYI…Posted by Rachel on January 9th, 2009

There are more videos to view on Facebook. I’m simply too lazy to post them all here, too!

KyrieismsPosted by Rick on December 9th, 2008

Kyrie says hilarious things all the time. Most of the time we just lament that we don’t remember to write them down. Here’s a few I did remember though:

Said randomly to me: “I want to put a bad guy in the trunk.”

I promise she hasn’t seen this on TV!

Said randomly to Rachel, pointing to our basement stairs: “Bad guys fall down there.”

After our elderly Greek landlord left our house…she had previously smothered Kyrie in hugs and kisses while repeating her first and middle name: “That grandma lady gave me lots of hugs and kisses.”

Happy Thanksgiving, a day latePosted by Rachel on November 28th, 2008

We had a great day yesterday. I hope everyone else did too! And for the record, everything was worked out with the sectional from Fred Meyer, and it looks great in our living room. It’s nice to finally have some furniture in our house! And next week our stuff in Louisiana should be arriving. Then we’ll really be settled in our new home. I’m looking forward to that. I can’t believe this house is really becoming our home. I love it. I’ll try to get pictures of everything once it’s all furnished.

I’ll save my thankful attitude for tomorrowPosted by Rachel on November 27th, 2008

Gah. I’m so annoyed. We bought a sectional from Fred Meyer, and the geniuses gave us two of the same piece. Niiice. I am steaming right now. Mostly because my in-laws are coming in less than an hour and the house is a disaster, and it wouldn’t be if we’d just gotten the right pieces.

And both kids are still awake, the groceries are all on the table, I still have one pumpkin pie to make, and…yeah. I’m just not happy.

The end.